Remember that scene in Waiting to Exhale when Bernadine burned all that suckas clothes and car to the ground and sold the remaining item for $1 at a garage sale (that’s my kinda garage sale)? All I kept thinking was “Go, Bernie! Get Him Girl!”
You have not loved until you have wanted to destroy the person you thought you loved in an effort to make you feel better or to make them feel as awful as you do.
Last week I posed the question “What’s the pettiest thing you’ve done after a breakup?” on my Facebook Fan Page and the responses I received were downright genius, some are hilarious and some were even criminal but they all had one thing in common; They were #petty.
Women came out of the woodworks telling of all the hilarious and horrible (amazing) things they’ve done to their ex’s after a breakup and I just have to share it with you-don’t worry they gave me permission to share. But first before I give you everybody else’s Tea it’s only right I spill my own.
The pettiest thing I’ve done after a breakup: Call the guys house (we were in high school and I had access to a school phone line) pretending to be a teacher and told his “very strict” Father that he had been cutting classes, it was wrong but he broke my teenage heart and he HAD to pay. I also ordered 50 pizzas and sent them to his house. I always wonder what happened with that.
Anywho here’s the list, keep in mind these accounts are told firsthand.
“*Opens my petty history book*
- I have Saran wrapped a car.
- Deleted a PlayStation 2 memory card (cause y’all know that’s a shot straight to the head in guy world).
- Deflated a basketball and thrown all the shoe strings to this guys basketball shoes out.
–I had to get more information about the saran wrapped car and this is the story:
I dated a guy for 6 years and afterward had nothing to show for it but anger. He, on the other hand, walked away too happy and calm for my liking!
I’m out to lunch with the besties discussing the situation when I decided, “He needs to be mad too! I refuse to be mad by myself.” He had a mustang that he LOVED so instead of keying it cause I was mad but I still cared I told the girls we would Saran Wrap it in effort to piss him off. Of course, they were game!!! (Crazy hangs with crazy!) We even recruited a lookout person. Around 1 am we drove over to his apartment with 7 rolls of Saran Wrap, scissors, and our Crazy on full blast! We got there and started going to work on his car in various directions and whatnot. The next morning he walks out to find his car packaged tighter than a toy in a cereal box!
I figured it would take him a few hours to remove it all BUT we are in Texas (Hell’s Lil brother) and it gets hot fast! So it ended up being a month before he could remove it all.
This was a loooong time ago when I was dating my ex-husband & we were “off again” … I took the GO bus to his out-of-town baseball tourney; went into his baseball bag while his team was fielding and took his wallet & car keys. Took off in his 1969 pimped out Firebird & used his credit card to check into a hotel for the weekend. He called my house & told my older brother, who begged him not to call the cops. They both had to come get me because I was afraid of how much the racing wheel shook & refused to drive the car back. It’s so different sitting in the passenger seat.
I also pulled the tape out of all his cassettes & left them in the trunk for him to find.
Btw, I couldn’t damage the car because I loved that beautiful beast! I Eventually learned how to handle the wheel.
Disclaimer: After being with him since elementary by college I was on the warpath.
- I called the phone company and got his phone records.
- I backed his car into his best friends who wouldn’t let me out the driveway after busting him with another girl.
- I threw all of his stuff over our 3rd story balcony including a $3000 camera that hit his windshield.
- Wrote a very detailed poem about him included all the tea he didn’t want spilled and performed it at an open mic that was live streaming.
- Blogged about him. Because that’s what is bloggers do lol and titled it “Yes He Can be a Groupie Too”.
- A guy tried to dip off on me because he got a new chick. He called. Said I’m moving to Cali so have a good life. He blocked me from all social networking. I logged into his email, found his plane tickets and anything about his flight and deleted it all, even deleted all the trash. He wasn’t techie at all so I got a laugh from it. You can leave but Imma make that one hell of a task for you at the airport!
But I’m not crazy, though.
Before I get started I’d like to clarify that I’ve grown a lot and I’m not as petty anymore.
- I put all his laundry in the bathtub and poured bleach all over it.
- Exposed some secrets on Twitter (he was somewhat popular so I knew it would hurt)
- Took a baseball bat to his favorite electronics. (After I tried to use fire and failed)
It felt good to get that out thanks for asking!
Girl, I’ve done it all. Helped my cousin make a concoction of bleach, ammonia and finger nail polish to pour over her daughters father’s new Range Rover before we egged it.
- He loved his dog so I removed the tags and took it took the shelter saying I didn’t want it anymore ( it took a lot for me because I’m scared of dogs)
- I called his job and told them he was stealing products (he worked for a dealership) …. It was really his co-worker but they fired him.
- I smashed the iPhone, iPad, MacBook, Xbox to PIECES!!!!! He was a shoe collector… Bleached and burned them suckas!
Lol I was hurt but I’ve been DELIVERT LOL
***She later clarified that the dog went to a wonderful family that still has him.
I donated his car to charity while he was at work…he was BIG mad.
I put his clothes in a bag with Clorox and I burned the rest .
Well, I know someone (not saying if it is me or not) but I know someone who #1 got into her boyfriend’s Facebook account.
#2 added his female friends to her list.
#3 asked them direct questions (of which all these women lied about) how she knew you ask? Well, remember she already got into the FB account so she read every message between them. So the questions she was asking she already knew the answers to.
#4 she created a fake Facebook account & befriended the ex-boyfriend.
#5 she printed all the conversations including shared explicit pictures between the exboyfriend & all the ladies in question.
#6 she taped the nude pics & messages all the way from the elevator of his apartment and into his bedroom (FYI he has roommates).
#7 She left a message on his wall in ruby red Revlon lipstick (btw this cannot be wiped off of walls) & she returned his house keys & all of his belongings along with a knife in the heart of a teddy bear she received for V-day.
How did she get to pull it off you ask? Well, she had plenty of time as he was on his way to meet up with his new mystery (fake) Facebook friend about 2 hours away, who of course never showed because she does not exist!
As a teen, my boyfriend ditched me to go fight somebody with his friends. They used to sell a lil weed so they were fighting over territory or something stupid like that. I tried to tell him not to go, trying to be Captain Save a Thug but he got real ignorant and basically told me to shut the hell up and stay in a woman’s place. I called the police and told them where the fight was gonna happen. And my BF was on probation so it didn’t go well for him. Fortunately, I’m a lil bougie now, so I wouldn’t date such a man but at the time I was about that thug life, lol!
(In my crazy teenage years) I went and flattened 2 of his tires, went back the next week and flattened 2 again. When I went the 3rd week his car wasn’t there so I flattened his parent’s tires. I went all the way over there hyped. I had to release all that energy. But once again I’M NOT CRAZY ANYMORE.. so don’t judge me lol.
Now before you get upset to think about what these Ex’s must’ve done to make these poor women do such things?