A Stay At Home Mom’s Secret Resentment

Before I had kids and before I was married I had big fat dreams of living in New York City and owning my own event planning company. I’d wear high-end clothes that even Olivia Pope would envy. I’d be invited to fancy galas and black tie events. I’d even be honored at a few of them. I had it all mapped out. I’d be married by 27 and I’d have my first and only child at age 32. Instead I had my first of 3 children at 23 and was married a few months later. In reality I found myself wiping butts and cleaning like a maid-which is not quite how I planned things out. Somewhere in between all of my plans and dreams I got lost amid meal planning, potty training and following my husband for his career.

 

If I’m being honest sometimes I resent being a stay at home mom. Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful for the privilege. Being able to stay home with my children and watch them grow and learn before my eyes is one of my greatest blessings and one that my mother couldn’t afford, but every so often I think of what my life could’ve been, who I could’ve been and who I might’ve inspired, if I had focused more on my career.

A few weeks ago an old college friend of mine sent me a friend request on Facebook along with a message that read;

“Hey what have you been up to!? I thought you would’ve taken over the world by now! I remember how ambitious you were and how you had all of these cool ideas!”

That message made me proud and broke my heart at the same time. I was proud to be remembered as innovative and ambitious but my heart was broken because I was nowhere near “Taking over the world”.

I started blogging after a series of breakdowns. I’d cry to my husband every couple of months about how I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing anything besides making babies. Like a good husband he’d assure me that I was doing the most valuable work by staying home with the kids but his consoling wasn’t enough. When he’d come home with good news of a promotion or an award he was being given I’d secretly envy his achievements. The worst times were when he’d have a graduation for completing some competitive military school. I’d hear his name called and I’d yearn for someone to call my name for something-anything. I was always very proud of him because I knew he had earned it but I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of recognition I’d be getting if I had an actual career. What kind of plaque would have my name on it? Who would acknowledge me for my “Hard work and Dedication”?

You may think that its selfish of me to feel this way and to an extent it probably is, but either way it’s honest. I love being a stay at home mom but at the same time I need room to grow, I need a way to measure my success. So in my quest to take over the world I’ll start with one word at a time.

Tata

Comments

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6 Comments

    1. Author

      I’m glad you understand where I’m coming from, I wrote this post weeks ago but I struggled with if I should post it or not.

  1. Thanks for being so open in this post. I think even those of us who aren’t stay at home moms, feel that way about things that that we never accomplished and dreams that have been left by the wayside.
    The good thing is that you still have time to take over the world!! You have just been delayed for a minute or two!

    1. Author

      I totally agree that its not just a “Sahm” thing its pretty much an any “mom” thing. I’ve decided to use the dreams I had in the past as motivation for the future.

  2. I completely feel you. After coming from being a working professional, college student, wife, and mom, deciding to stay home due to our move as missionaries was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I must admit that I did have some regrets, but as a mother to older children I must say that I am eternally grateful that I made this choice due to missing out on so much of their younger years. I am now more available to tend to their needs and attend their various functions. Honestly, I have had so many conversations with working moms who say they envy me since I have the availability to be there for my children. Just continue to learn your value while you’re home and in time you’ll see that this SAHM lifestyle is very rewarding.

    1. Author

      Thank you Lakeesha! It’s refreshing to hear that it get’s easier as they get older, they are now at the stages where they are starting to enter school so that gives me a little more free times to do the things I want to do and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I too have met women that wish they could stay home with their children and it’s then that I have a bit of a reality check and learn to be grateful for what God has blessed me with. Side note-You did missionary work? How cool, where did you live?

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